I’m just really loving NVC and the peace I now experience everyday as a result of doing my practice here on my own process, but working with the online practice group with Thom Bond. I keep doing this work, and as I progress through I find that the process just keeps going deeper and I seldom get frustrated nor do I feel any longer diminished by others.
This process has been helped by having some tools to work with and I’ve found the most important tool has been a listing of feelings and needs that I basically carried around with me for the first year of going into my process. Everytime I’d become upset with something that someone else had said, when I was wanting to react, I’d sit with the feelings list and take the time to identify what the feeling/feelings were. I’d just be present to my process and slowly take the time to get it. As I said each word, I could tell by the way my body reacted whether or not it was the right feeling. When I identified the feeling, then I’d go through the needs listing and do the same thing. Generally only one feeling got the reaction, however, there may have been a number of needs that I was wanting to meet.
I stayed away from those feelings that were blaming and accusing, although initially, that was where I went. I would really be present to that feeling, and then I’d say to myself, “O.K., now that you’ve allowed yourself to fully blame and judge, lets see what else you are feeling, and the unmet needs connected to that.” That was very revealing to me as I could tell the difference between the feeling within my self when I moved from blaming to experiencing the feeling connected to the unmet needs. Very different were these feelings, but also very empowering. I felt very much that I was giving my power over to the other person when I was accusing and blaming. I felt diminished and powerless. When I found the feeling attached to the need, I felt stronger, I sat up straighter, and I knew that I was operating from my empowered self, and taking responsibility for my feelings about unmet needs.
Thank you Thom and all the other NVC instructors I’ve worked with over the last years. To you I owe my gratitude for getting where I need to go with having improved relationships with firstly, myself, and then with all my family members, and my close neighbours.